


Lesbian Pirates

by Antisocial_Apocalypse



Series: Original Works [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:14:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26471695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antisocial_Apocalypse/pseuds/Antisocial_Apocalypse
Summary: listen they're pirates they're lesbians they're fucking stupid what more do u need
Relationships: Fulli/Lelna, I'm assuming yall understan that Percy and Logan are friends, Logan & Fulli & Lelna
Series: Original Works [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1924423
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	Lesbian Pirates

Dear Client,  
Thank you for coming to Diviner-for-Hire, the only place to write your true fiction story based off of your genre preferences! You chose: Give me a fantasy pirate adventure, please!, and we plan to do so! I’m your diviner, Miss Kiesha, and you’ll be happy to know that this experience will be completely unique because I do not fear God or my boss.  
Alright, first things first. The world I’m peering into for this has some basic expository rules, and I’m just going to tell them to you, because I’m too tired to do this any other way.  
They call their social hierarchy a heighterarchy. This is because different types of elves have different heights. However, they’re all on the same level, socially except mountain elves, who are the tallest and are at the top, and sea elves, which are middling height and at the very bottom, so I don’t really know why they call it a heighterchy, just that they do.  
An elf can absolutely take potions to change their height, learn a new type of magick, and join a guild for whatever new type of elf they are, although learning a new magick is very hard.  
The preceding rule does not apply to Mountain elves, as their society is very separated from the other elves, and, while sea elves are encouraged to give up their illegal ways and join proper society, it is illegal to take the potions to become a sea elf.  
This isn’t a rule, but I wanted to clarify that sea elves and ocean elves, despite being the same height and even though sea and ocean are often called synonyms, are not the same thing. Sea elves used to be ocean elves, but, a few generations ago, some ocean elves got tired of being law-abiding seamen, and became pirates. The ocean elves denounced them, and thus, sea elves were created.  
Now that’s out of the way, it’s character time.  
Logan is an alien. You know mer’s an alien, because mer’s a merperson, and merpeople aren’t real. This planet, I should say, does not have contact with its solar system. It hasn’t been to space at all. Anyway, Logan is kind of like the mom-friend of the motley crew.  
Percy is also an alien. I know they're an alien, because whatever they are, they're definitely not an elf. They rest at the bottom of the ocean, and sings the song of the sea. They may or may not functionally be the kraken, if your universe has that. If not, picture a large squid-octopus-thing with a human face. Percy isn’t part of the crew, but they and Logan are close friends.  
Nyvorlas is an ocean elf. He’s a bounty hunter, hired by the king of the mountain elves to kidnap Annallee and bring her back to the Palace of the mountain elves by any means.  
Fulli used to be a mountain elf called Annallee, before she took some potions and learned to do sea elf magick, like singing the same song as Percy. She’s the only member of the crew who’s actually a sea elf.  
Lelna is Fulli’s datemate. They’re a druidic elf, kicked out for spelling their hair a glowing neon pink. No, I’m serious. Hair is sacred to Druidic elves. They didn’t take any potions to become a sea elf, so they’re still only about four feet tall. They’re a little gremlin, especially considering the height difference between them and Fulli.  
Oh, look at that. Lelna just ran across the deck at Fulli. They run across the deck headfirst into Fulli’s soft chest.  
“Look at this note!” They thrust a page into her hands.  
“I see that you’ve lost someone dear  
Find mer in a place most fear  
❤️ Nyvorlas”  
“Nyvorlas,” Fulli says, “I should have known. Nyvorlas has been after me since I left the mountain.” Lelna presses further into her.  
“What do you think he’s doing to mers ?” I bet he’s doing scientific experiments. Hell, if he isn’t, I won’t charge you for this.  
“I’m sure mer’s fine. He won’t hurt mers too badly; he knows if he does I won’t go with him.”  
“What?!”  
“He’ll let mers go if I go with him.”  
“So I guess we’re breaking mers out.”  
“What- I-”  
“We gotta.”  
“I was gonna say you were right.”  
“Oh.” This is the funniest exchange they could have possibly had. I really hope you’re enjoying this as much as I am. Well, I guess it’s time, now, to start off on a High Seas Adventure. Actually, no, hold on, here I’ll write down this conversation, it’s great.  
Fulli says, “We should buy mers something.”  
“But we’re broke,” Lelna replies, “what?”  
“We should buy mers something! Like, an I’m-sorry-you-got-kidnapped-and-held-hostage gift!”  
“I don’t think that’s a thing.”  
“Well,” says Fulli, “It should be.”  
“No They’re going to get mers a present. Okay.  
“Do we even know where mer is? We haven’t solved the riddle yet.” Lelna asks, and thank god she did, because I was wondering. Fulli falters for only a moment before she lights up.  
“I know!” She says, and walks over to the rail of the ship. “I’ll ask Percy!” Lelna hollars what a great idea that is. Fulli leans over the railing, opens her mouth, and lets out something that is not music. It was, once, I’m sure, but no longer. This is the song of the siren, halfway between music and mourning, not quite the sea but not quite death either. Huh. Would you look at that? I wasn’t going for poetry, but alright. Anyway, their friend, Percy, responds in the same, wailing, manner; Fulli lets out a final cry which is (again) answered, and turns back to Lelna.  
“Percy says it’s probably Mount Runia.” Lelna swears.  
“Well,” they say, “This is fine. This is fine. We’ll get mer a present and sneak mers out and it’ll be fine.” Fulli says that she doubts that, but Lelna shrugs. “What other choice do we have? We can’t give you up, we can’t leave mers there. This is our only option.” They’re right.  
They set off on their quest. “You know that gift thing,” Lelna says, “We’re broke.”  
“We’re pirates,” replies Fulli, “Let’s rob a bank or something.” I can’t tell you about their bank-robbing shenanigans in detail, as this letter has a ten-page limit, but do know that it goes poorly, they get arrested, and they come out of it all with no more money than they had before. “Maybe we should give up,” Fulli says, “on the gift thing.” Lelna agrees.  
They finally get to the rescuing part. After a few boring weeks at sea, they finally arrive at Mount Runia, and Percy physically lifts the boat out of the water so that they won’t accidentally smash against the threatening spires of rock. The two elves sneak into the fortress, which, due to Nyvorlas’s incompetence, is very easy as there are no guards on this tunnel. Eventually, they enter a large room.  
The two poke each other. Fulli looks at Lelna. “What’s up?” she asks.  
“Look at his butt,” Lelna replies. Fulii glances to where Nyvorlas is standing, leaning a shoulder against the cove wall and reading an old issue of Vogue.  
“Damn,” Fulli says, “You’re right. That’s a helluva butt.” Lelna nods. “Oh, also,” Fulli says, “I think he’s been keeping Logan in freshwater.” Lelna whips their head around to look at mers. Mer has, in fact, been kept in freshwater. I know this, because mer looks the way sushi tastes. I don’t remember what sushi tastes like, but i didn’t like it, and since Logan is a fish, I figure this is a bad thing.  
“Well shiver me timbers,” Lelna says, “He has.” Logan grins at them, mer’s missed mers friends, and it is a terrifying thing. Grayish-greenish skin splits open, cracked and peeling, and spreads apart to show row after row after row of sharp, glistening teeth. Mers eyes, perfectly round on either side of mers growing, vertical smile, widen, until there are two pupils visible in each, as opposed to only one. Claw-like hands with long, spindly fingers grip the sides of the tub mer’s been placed in.  
“Kids!” the voice is an awful, groaning thing, humming inside their minds, “I’ve missed you! Do you have a bucket?” Fulli pales.  
“Oh no,” she groans, “We left it in the ship.”  
Lelna hits their head against the tank Logan is being held in. “Well,” mer says, “I guess you’ll have to go back for it.” Mer’s right.  
The two sneak their way back to the ship, fetch the largest barrel they can find, and fill it with seawater. They try to be quiet, coming back, but fail, and they also try to keep all the water in the barrel (they still fail). They finally return to the cave where Logan is being held, and carefully lift mers into the barrel. At this point, nyvorlas has left the room. He actually left a while ago, but I forgot to mention it because I was getting all excited about creepy looking fish. Anyway, they fit Logan in the barrel, manage to bring mers back to the ocean, and the story ends.  
I won’t bill for this letter, due to the disgusting lack of scientific experiments done on the literal merperson. Nyvorlas disgusts me.  
Sincerely,  
Miss Kiesha, your Diviner-For-Hire


End file.
